Sigma-Airav

As usual, I live life, I make music, I make art. People who read my journals or know me personally know that I am in constant pursuit of personal advancement, be it in my career or in my personal growth.

Lately things have been happening that help accelerate my experiences, such as me meeting someone within the orchestral music industry, going to see Moe live at the Norva, and getting musical advise from various sources. I take it all in, information that helps me become a better me. Everything is pointing to my life becoming even better, more filled with wonder and happiness.

I am at the point I am at because I didn't let bad shit keep me down, I never gave up, and never will give up on reaching my goals.

For all those who read my  journals, I say to you: Life may shit in your mouth at times, but its  always ultimately a fantastic thing, good times come to those who wont allow bad times to keep them down, we all should spring right back up and take life by the balls. Its our life, and so long as we don't hurt anyone, no one and nothing can keep us from making our dreams come true...provided the dreams are within the laws of physics that is XD

Several things occur to me today, mom helped me realize alot of them, others I have realized on my own.

I need more self initiative for looking for jobs. I am inexperienced and quite ignorant of the ways of the world, I am still trying to learn one thing at a time. 

I tend to be blunt and awkward but I always have the best intentions, I need more tact. 

The way my mind works results in certain things normally quite obvious to most people, not even occurring to me ...that is to say, I don't even think about some things because I am distracted by other things or I simply cannot grasp certain concepts. 

I want to solve these issues, become self reliant, become dependable and not an obstacle to my own success.

I tend to be quite flighty, to the point where I cause some people to stop and stare at me in awe of the sheer extent of my ignorance of common things or my inability to take initiative simply because I forget that a situation requires the initiative. I forget to think, in other words. Things just do not register in my thoughts.

Sometimes there's literally nothing going on in my head as I sit and observe the world, my mind is blank, empty to the fullest extent of the definition of "nothing".

The issues I have require me to need outside interaction to make me aware I have shit to do that I have yet to develop a passive habit of doing, like looking for a job.

I have been working my butt off trying to make money off my art and music, that takes time and I have been reminded I need a source of income aside from SSI asap. I.E. a job. If mom hadn't reminded me of this, I would have gone on completely unaware I have been lacking in that department.

Until I develop a passive habit in doing something, anything from remembering names and faces to cleaning myself to looking for a job and so on, until I get a habit in which my brain has developed the neurons and networks that are associated with the habits which render them into something passive, I cannot maintain the habit even if it is to my determent.

I need help from others to develop the habits required to survive in society and be happy and successful, and I have issues asking for that help out of a nameless fear that makes me freeze and not ask. I wish I could find out why I get that fear, and how to address it. I haven't stopped looking for that answer.

What I found out on my own unrelated to my issues is that, I can expand my lifestyle to include making live-stream videos of me playing various games, and making lets-play vids with my own twist, perhaps even incorporating my musical and artistic talents into these avenues of fun and maybe even profit....I am somewhat scared though about one thing: The notion that when I do get employed finally, I wont have the time or energy to work on whats important to me: Art, music, social life, and gaming for profit. 

I still want to live off of doing what I love, I want to earn enough off of my own stuff so that I can pay my bills and have enough left over to buy new gear, help my family, pay surprise medical bills, help my friends, and of course, buy some new games, consoles, and nick-knacks that I don't necessarily need but would like to have one day.

I'm not greedy, I don't care to have anything extravagant, I just want to reach that point where my profit is balanced with my preferred quality of living. 

I am young, inexperienced, ignorant, but I am learning and gaining experience as I go. I only ask that people help me get those necessary skills and experiences to move forward and be happy, independent, and strong.

Well a lot has happened over this long time I haven't been on DA, I don't want to spend too much time on this update so I will keep it relatively short:

dltmultiplegamesclan.webs.com/…


This is the day I open my new Gaming clan: DLT Death Lives for Tomorrow Multiple Games Clan to the public

This clan is dedicated primarily to uniting all gamers who play: First Person Shooters, Massively Multiplayer online games, Competitive Role Playing Games, and Fighting Games for any WiFi capable console or hand held gaming system as well as PC. The clan is also meant to be a gathering place for individuals who want to create their own video-games.

Every clan activity has three purposes:

1. Encourage friendly competition and

2. To promote good gaming sportsmanship.

3. To have a good time. Clan wars will be taken seriously but with a good attitude, win or lose.

We will have fun and bring peoples of all colors & backgrounds into the mix. Here in DLT hackers are welcome however, they will not participate in clan wars until proven trustworthy enough(depending on the game in question being hacked or modded) and skilled enough to do well without hax.

I Sigma-Airav creator of DLT, wish to find skilled players with confidence in their abilities and a calm attitude to winning and losing but, anybody of any skill level can join to hone their skills against equal or near equal skilled opponents. In time I plan to assign a clan skill ranking system to help keep the noobs safe from the  pros unless individually requested match-ups are proposed and agreed upon.

Members with improving track records will rise and members with faltering records will  fall in the ranks. Each console, genre, and game will have a separate group where rankings will be recorded as clan activities take place. Even preferred gaming  controller will have a group in the rankings for games compatible with multiple controllers. People can discuss whatever they please involving video-games and life  within the forums and or chat.
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While I haven't quite figured out how to get my site to appear in Google search, I have added keywords and tags to my Webs hosted site. I did most of the work offline until today, when I went to my mom's place for a visit. At home my grandpa refuses to let me use the family PC for petty reasons so I had to wait till I got to my mom's home.

Speaking of my mom, soonish I'll move in with her as a roommate paying 1/3 rent. My life will move on as I get a job, have regular internet PC access, work on my books, work on my video-game series, and seek another person to share my life with.(obviously it would be ideal for her to have similar interests as I, like being an avian furry and having a knack for pleasant weirdery...not to mention a love of video-games ) but yeah thats whats going on with me now, working on my new clan, playing video-games, and pre[aring for a new life chapter